One day about 10 years ago, inspired by an increasing weariness for movie clichΘs, I started a little list of devices that had been used over and over and over again in the movies. When I had a few dozen, I published them one Sunday in the paper, and later, as the list grew, I included it in the back of my annual book "Roger Ebert's Video Companion." I called it the "Glossary of Movie Terms."
Apparently I had hit a nerve. People started sending me their own clichΘs, sometimes as many as a dozen in one letter. And after I uploaded the glossary to CompuServe, contributions started flowing in my e-mail from all over the country and from a dozen other nations. Everyone had his own examples of filmmakers flying by automatic pilot, and recycling dialogue and scenes from movies of the past.
The glossary finally outgrew the back pages of the "Video Companion," and demanded a book of its own. Thus the Autumn 1994 publication of "Ebert's Little Movie Glossary," published by Andrews & McMeel at $12.95.
Some of the clichΘs in the book have taken on a life of their own. See, for example, the Fruit Cart Syndrome, which says that in all chase scenes set in an exotic locale, a speeding car will inevitably knock over a fruit cart. This syndrome has become so popular that I have actually sat in a darkened theater and heard strangers call out, "Fruit Cart!" And after Gene Siskel and I featured the syndrome on a TV show, the movie "Ski Patrol" even included a scene with a "Siskel & Ebert Fruit Cart," which was NOT overturned. Here is a sample from the new book of some of my favorite glossary definitions:
Air Vent Escape Route. If the hero is imprisoned in a building owned by the villains, there will inevitably be an air vent cover that is easily removed. The passageway will be large enough to accommodate any size person. The escape route will pass over the room where the bad guys are discussing the details of their diabolical plan, which the hero will now be able to foil. -- Dona Kight, Chicago
Ali MacGraw's Disease. Movie illness in which the only symptom is that the sufferer grows more beautiful as death approaches.
Bad Smoker Rule: In any cop movie made before 1970, all of the characters smoke. In any cop movies made since the mid-'70s, the bad guys all smoke, and so does the good guy - - but he's trying to quit.
Benevolent Blurbster. Friendly, accommodating film "critic" who supplies praise on demand to film publicists in advance of a film's opening -- and sometimes even in advance of having seen it. Their reward is the pleasure of seeing their names in print. Ecstatic quotes obtained in this way typically run in ads in the week before the movie premieres; once it opens, they are replaced by legitimate quotes by real critics.
Blinkered Bodyguard Rule. The bodyguards of bad guys invariably wear mirrored dark glasses.
Boom-Boom Rule. Whenever a building or a car explodes, the explosion will be repeated in its entirety from several different camera angles. -- Sam Carlson, Duluth, Minn.
Bow Tie Rule. A young character wearing a bow tie is always an obnoxious conservative; an older character wearing a bow tie is always a liberal wimp. -- Stuart Cleland, Chicago
Caine-Hackman Theory. Every day of the week, 24 hours a day, it is possible to find a movie somewhere on cable TV starring either Michael Caine or Gene Hackman. -- Adam Leff and Zak Penn, in "PCU" screenplay
Climbing Villain. Villains being chased at the end of a movie inevitably disregard all common sense and begin climbing up something -- a staircase, a church tower, a mountain -- thereby trapping themselves at the top. -- Tony Whitehouse, Verbier, Switzerland
Dead Teen-ager Movie. Generic term for any movie primarily concerned with killing teen-agers, without regard for logic, plot, performance, humor, etc. Often imitated, never worse than in the "Friday the 13th" sequels. Requires complete loss of common sense on the part of the characters. Sample dialogue: "All of our friends have been found horribly mutilated. It is midnight and we are miles from help. Hey, Mimsy, let's take off our clothes, walk through the dark woods, and go skinny-dipping!"
Deconstruct. Academic term used by critics. It means, "Write a term paper."
Del Close's Rule for Actors. Never share a foxhole with a character who carries a photo of his sweetheart. -- Del Close, Second City
Disguised Surprise Gender Switch. In any competition where one of the opponents is wearing a garment that conceals body and face, if that opponent wins, in the next shot the head-covering is pulled off to reveal -- gasp! -- that the opponent was a woman!
Fallacy of the Talking Killer. The villain wants to kill the hero. He has him cornered at gun point. All he has to do is pull the trigger. But he always talks first. He explains the hero's mistakes to him. Jeers. Laughs. And gives the hero time to think his way out of the situation, or be rescued by his buddy, or by the bad guy's girlfriend, who has fallen in love with him. Cf. most James Bond movies. -- Gene Siskel
Falling Villain. At the end of virtually every action- adventure movie, the villain must fall from a great height onto a hard surface. In ideal circumstances, the villain should crash backward through a skylight and land on an automobile. -- Stephen D. Dargitz, Ann Arbor, Mich.
First Time's the Charm. Ninety-nine percent of sex scenes show couples coupling for the first time. -- Nigel Searle, Venice, Fla.
Floating Luggage. In every scene where actors carry luggage, the luggage is obviously empty. They attempt, with pained expressions on their faces, to pretend the bags are heavy, and yet they can flick them around like feathers. -- Tom Kirkpatrick, Chicago
Four Glass Movie. Any movie with a plot that can be summarized on four souvenir soft drink containers from McDonald's.
"Fruit Cart!" An expletive used by knowledgeable film buffs during any chase scene involving a foreign or ethnic locale, reflecting their certainty that a fruit cart will be overturned during the chase, and an angry peddler will run into the middle of the street to shake his fist at the hero's departing vehicle.
Giant Newborn Syndrome. Newborn babies in movies instantly look about 7 months old, and weigh about 25 pounds. Their post-partum mother seems perfectly refreshed, made-up and comfortable despite the gargantuan child she's just given birth to. -- Barak and Elizabeth Moore, Jerusalem, Israel
Grave Talk. Handy screenwriter's tool where a character can reveal his character and motivation by explaining everything to a tombstone. -- Phil Heink, Lexington, Ky.
Haircut Hierarchy Rule. The main character in a movie centering around the military or prison never has the same severe crewcut that the other characters have, even though there is usually the obligatory haircut scene. (See Matthew Broderick in "Biloxi Blues," Tom Cruise in "Top Gun," Robert Redford in "Brubaker.") -- Jim Racheff
Human Antennas. Movie characters who have an amazing ability to turn on the TV precisely at the moment when a newscaster begins a report on something directly relating to them. -- Jeffrey Graebner, Columbus, Ohio
Idiot Plot. Any plot containing problems which would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots. - - James Blish
Intelligence. In most movies, "all that separates us from the animals." In Tarzan and Sheena movies and all films starring large family dogs, what we have in common with them.
Kirk Method of Time Management. Regardless of the time a subordinate says will be needed to solve a problem, the supervisor will cut the time by half. Example: Scotty: "I'll need at least 20 minutes to repair the warp drive, Captain!" Capt. Kirk: "You've got exactly 10 minutes before the Enterprise is pulled into the sun Mr. Scott!" -- Robert Jones, Tigard, Ore.
Lamaze Bonding Principle. In old movies, men and women bonded by lighting two cigarettes from the
